"Fear not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed." (Bhagavad Gita)
Fear. It's a bad four letter F word. No one wants to admit it but we have all been victims to our fear at one point or another.
Oh yes you have. Stop shaking your head.
The fact of the matter is fear is real. It is an emotion that grips us. & yes we all know that it was said a LONG time ago that we have nothing to fear but fear itself but you and I both know that when you're in a dark room and you unexpectedly hear a wierd noise the bottom of your stomach starts to...well...bottom out...damn that ID Channel...
But fear does not need to control your life. And that's the point that Bhagavad Gita is trying to make. If it does then really you're already dead anyway & so what kind of "life" do you have? Merely fearing something will not change it. You can't fear something away. Fear has killed people & most of the time its not real & its unrealized. You have to have the courage within yourself to say, yes I'm scared, but guess what? I have to move forward anyway.
Case In Point: This time last year I was in basic training at Ft. Jackson, SC.
Yes I was. Shut up & listen.
The first things we did were, for me, the worst. Victory Tower, which is an apparatus constructed 40 feet in the air that you have to scale down..yes scale, like a frickin mountain climber. The only scale I'd ever seen previously was the ones you stand on; and the Confidence Course, which is supposed to scare the hell out of you because of all the things you have to climb, with the idiotic theory that having at least attempted it would give you the confidence you need to be a soldier? Really? No.
Of course you had to do these things or you were threatened with the denial of graduation. Here I come, 120 lbs give or take, with ZERO upper body strength talkin about climbing things. The female drill instructors hated me for that & the male drill instructors pitied me. Never a good combination. I hated Victory Tower & was scared to death. I don't do well with heights & I was convinced they were gonna let me drop...almost ripped my drill instructor's hand off when I started to drop on the rope. But I made it.
The Confidence Course was different. I had JUST tackled the 40 foot wall and they had a smaller, maybe 15 foot version on this course which I hated & I was convinced I'd fall. I said I couldn't do it...in front of my encouraging platoon...and the company 1st Sgt & company commander. The 1st Sgt, this older skinny white guy who was Infantry his whole LIFE it seemed, pretty much cursed me out in front of everyone, saying that I'd basically let everyone die rather than just do a simple obstacle that they all could do. The Company Commander, a Black woman, pulled me to the side & said gently, but firmly, that as an Officer Candidate, she understood if I were scared, but that if I were to say "I Can't" ever again in her presence, she'd recommend that I not be admitted to Officer Candidate School & just stay Enlisted, because as a Leader I couldn't LET people know I was afraid.
I was sure never to say "I Can't" again...in her presence.
The point is, no matter how scared I got, I knew the purpose of me being there was bigger than me. I was trying to provide a life for my family. I ended up graduating basic training but was honorably discharged three months after that for injuries. I hated leaving & wish I could've continued on with my brothers & sisters. I overcame my fears...& now when my daughter is afraid, I make sure she knows there's no reason to be & that the only monster is the one in her that prevents her from living.
That is, except for the one who will smite her for spilling kool aid again on her couch :).
Peace & Love,
Jaz
No comments:
Post a Comment