The Upgrade Theory (follow up to the Homewreckers post)

 
Alright let me first start out by saying this is not my fault. I had totally vented about the Homewrecker topic & was at peace with myself. Then I got into a conversation with my husband about this & we went back and forth quite a bit, particularly on the Alicia Keys/Swizz Beats situation. Through that debate, he and I came up with a possible explanatory theory not only with their situation, but perhaps with multiple similar situations, which could clarify why our culture is sort of numbed by this whole phenomenon. 

Walk with me & indulge me jusssst a bit. 

The Upgrade Theory, as we have named it, is quite simple: in the public eye, cheating is acceptable/forgiven as long as you have "upgraded" your partner. That is, found someone richer, prettier/more handsome, good looking, successful, etc. 

Conversely, if you downgrade, that is, are found to have cheated with a partner that is less desirable in any of the above topics, you are then guilty of not only adultery, but also poor taste, which makes you doubly horrible & therefore you must be destroyed. 

Let that marinate for a second. 

Think about it though: Swizz Beats was not a paragon of virtue & had been guilty of sleeping around before. He had three kids fathered by him during his relationship with Mashonda Dean including the son she actually had by him and not including the child she LOST with him because of the stress she endured after finding out he had impregnated another woman (and he had Mashonda name this other woman's baby since she'd lost hers. Seriously.) 

Anyway: 

Now he's happily married to & expecting a child with Alicia Keys and suddenly it's A-Okay. Why? Because he went from Mashonda Dean to Alicia Keys. From video girl to Grammy Award Winning Artist. 


Now look at the other side of this coin:


Fantasia Barrino and the T-Mobile Boy. Although it was hinted around that Fantasia was playing house with another woman's husband (including a big hint in the form of his name tattooed on her chest), it was not confirmed until the jilted wife told ALL in the divorce papers. Suddenly Fantasia needed to account for her actions. Suddenly everyone was shaking their head at the American Idol winner all in unanimous though of what she "could have been". What did she do? Attempt suicide. (So they say) That was the only reason Fantasia got off easy...she had to pretend to be suicidal (& I say pretend because she joked about it a few days later): read about it here.


You can take it a step further by examining more of the highlighted exploits:

Dwayne Wade & Gabrielle Union? UPGRADE
Jesse James & Michelle McGee? DOWNGRADE
Tiger Woods & (insert hoe here)? DOWNGRADE
Kobe Bryant & the hotel girl? DOWNGRADE --although Vanessa Bryant made SURE she was upgraded:

No Comment Haters, I let the ring talk for me.

Now I'm not necessarily saying that this is always the way it is...but it seems to be the way it is most of the time. Our culture has become more desensitized to adultery to the point where hoes & homewreckers are comfortable to being identified & seen in public. Where's the admonishment? Where's the backlash? Oh, it's called being a hater. If you are saying something against these couples then you're just hating on them. 


Ummm No. 


The fact of the matter is, I believe in love in every mushy detail. You can fall in love with someone else--that is human. However, if you decide to pursue a relationship with one person while attached in some way romantically to another, then I believe that's wrong. Falling out of love with your significant other is a sad possibility in life; however, you owe it to that person, to get out of it the right way. They should not have to find out you wanted to be with someone else all the time. 


Just because most regular men would gladly trade in their wives for the likes of Alicia Keys or Gabrielly Union does not magically make it acceptable that Swizz Beats & Dwayne Wade did it. At least it shouldn't. But as the tone of our culture changes in that respect, one must wonder if the institution of marriage will ever be fully respectable again. Movements like "No Wedding No Womb" assert that we should make a man "put a ring on it" in order to validate our relationships with him. Shouldn't we make sure he has fully taken the ring off of another woman's finger first?


Or, is it as long as there's an upgrade then there's no upcharge? I mean, why buy a cow if you can milk it and then decide whether to purchase it later?

Peace & Love,
Jaz