& Today's award for trying too hard goes to

Mariah knows how to dress a nigga...

Nick Carey--err, Cannon, 

Okay look...I understand that ever since he's married Mariah Carey (& possibly impregnated her) he thinks he's walking around with a huge "S" on his invincible...

The "S" on that bird chest is for "Stupid" and "Sit Down" because that's what the hell he needs to do.

Since "Drumline", he's been struggling for significance. "Wild'n Out" was HIS show and he were CONSTANTLY overshadowed but the actually-funny fellow cast members (Katt Williams, anyone?). Since then, the only thing he did worth mentioning was marry Mariah..and the jury is STILL out on whether or not those nuptials are legit. 

Now every time I turn around I see him throwing shade on somebody--mostly white celebrities. He tried to start with Eminem & he completely & utterly DETROYED him. I don't recall any beef with Howard Stern but I have to come to understand that he apparently had some ish to say about that. And now....NOW I open my MTV News App on my Android this morning & see that he went on and on about Chelsea Handler. (Now for those of you not well gifted in twitter-ease, you read from the bottom up. I will post this foolishness in 2 pictures. Picture 1 is the first half & Picture 2 is the second half):

Umm pause...a comic roasting another comic is like a pimp snitching on a pimp? Since when did comedy and pimping become one in the same as an art form? And when I think of pimping, the LAST person I think of is Nick Cannon. But of course this is the whiny Nick Cannon we all know of...he then proceeded to take it too far, as usual:

So even if Chelsea DID have sex with the head of E!, it's known that you have what you have (a tour? a record label? any face time on tv at all right now?) because you managed to plant a seed in Mariah Carey. So you can GTFOH with that BS, Nick. 

& what, pray tell, did Chelsea do to encourage this rant ? :

@chelseahandler I just heard nick cannon is starting a comedy tour. Who's going to do the comedy?

ummm...I'd like to know the same thing. 

The only thing funny about Nick Cannon is his uncanny ability to date beautiful women. Christina Milian, Selita Eubanks & now Mariah Carey. I don't see it. There's nothing about Nick Cannon that, to me, is attractive, physically or psychologically. From what I understand, he can't stay faithful to any woman, and he's much more famous in his mind than his actual career.

And then in his final tweets he brings Eminem up again. It must kill you to see that even after a couple of relapses with drugs, two divorces to the same woman and losing his best friend to murder, Eminem is STILL going to be more successful than you. He's talented and about his business. His album was so anticipated that he beat out Drake, whose hype made him rich off of mixtapes  (much like my boo, Nicki Minaj), before his stellar album even came out. In an unrelated sidenote, Drake & Eminem, together, made my summer. I'm SO ready for "Pink Friday" to be my winter soundtrack. 

I think I like it..it's definitely different. I can't wait!!!

Oh, wait, what were we talking about? I got totally distracted talking about blog-worthy artists that I...ohh...oh yeah that fool...

Nick Cannon is so insignificant I sidetracked my own blog post to talk about relevant people. That should tell you something. 

The moral of this story, obviously, is that when Mariah is away (in Asia, working, actually still performing) her little shadow is over here playing with fire & about to get burned...better yet, he should just continue to be blatantly ignored. Chelsea is a successful comedienne and author who has worked hard to get to where she is, and she's actually legit. She doesn't need anyone to get her notoriety, and it seems that Nick Cannon hates that. Even riding the coattails of the most successful R&B diva of my generation, he's still a joke & an afterthought. Jealous much?

Seems like wasted potential to me. Get over yourself Mr. Carey. 

Peace & Love,
Jaz